[Ficlet-GW] Road to Hell

[misanagi]

Road to Hell

Fandom: Gundam Wing
Rating: R
Character: Quatre
Warnings: Dark themes. PTSD
Summary: The thing about peace is that it isn't peaceful at all.
Words: 692
Notes: Written for gw_dark's February challenge.

---
On your journey 'cross the wilderness
From the desert to the well
You have strayed upon the motorway to Hell
- Chris Rea

The thing about peace is that it isn't peaceful at all. If Dorothy had been right about just one thing it was about men's love for conflict, their desire to fight. Quatre knows that, he suspected it since the first arguments with his father and he knew it for sure the first time he climbed inside a Mobile Suit and took a life. It hurt, of course, but beyond his conscience there was the feeling of victory, of having been tested and having succeeded and even now, years after and with his hands covered in blood he can't deny the feeling is still there.

Still, it isn't that feeling what drives him to snap a man's head five years after the war is set and done. No, that's another feeling, one a lot less pleasant but as constant as the first. After all, they come together: the thirst for battle and the paranoia. It's useful in war, it's even a necessity and if it wasn't for those instincts that made him dodge and fire without even thinking he wouldn't have survived. It's that feeling, that instinct, which makes him turn around as soon as he senses a presence behind him and moments later one man is dead on the floor and Quatre can add another kill to his long list.

He never knows the man's name. He doesn't stay to find out because the sound of the man's neck snapping has done something to him, has broken the tight control he has kept for the last five years and the terrorist is free again and he doesn't want to go back. He ignores the gun laying just inches away from the dead man's fingers. He itches for it but he still has some control and he walks away, leaves the gun. He doesn't need a weapon anyway.

It's weeks before he allows himself to stop and by then he doesn’t know which city he's in, he doesn’t know if he has eaten, where he has slept or what he has done. That night he sits on a park bench and watches people walk by. After midnight a woman screams and Quatre walks behind some bushes to see three men raping her. They see him and that's why they die. Quatre likes to think that if he had remained unnoticed he would have simply incapacitated them but they see him and they attack. Quatre doesn’t hold back. The woman screams again and again and Quatre finds himself walking away. He really doesn't like those screams.

People always find a way to fight, Quatre realizes. They hate and kill and maim and torture and hurt and Quatre sees it and sometimes, he hurts back. Days and nights pass and Quatre doesn’t know how many dead men he has left in back allies, public bathrooms, by river shores. He only knows those men, all of them, had fallen to the feeling of power, had let all control go and were therefore lost even before they met him.

One afternoon he thinks he might be lost as well. The thought isn't troubling for with it comes the truth that if that's the case then it's just a mater of time before his own Quatre comes along and he is no more.

That's what he thinks has happened they day he wakes up to find Duo looking down at him. Quatre lets himself smile. It seems fitting enough. But Duo isn't there to kill him and when Quatre looks into his eyes he discovers he's not the only one lost. The God of Death has come but it's not Quatre he's looking for. Instead Quatre joins him and loses himself a little more, finds himself a little more.

Duo walks the same road, has actually be walking it longer than Quatre and now they walk together. Quatre knows it's just a matter of time before they find the others along the road. After all, it's the only one left for them to walk on.


- The End -

Comments

[just-ruth.livejournal.com]

This is grimly disturbing. Very well done.

[misanagi.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Ruth. It was a dark challenge and really, I was a but surprised at how easily this flowed. Thanks for reading!

[darthanne.livejournal.com]

I liked this, it was very dark, but I could see something like that pushing him over that edge. I like the fact he isn't alone at the end and the hint that they will all be reunited again. They are stronger together and more chance of finding themselves.

[misanagi.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Anne. It was a challenge for dark PTSD themes and it was a Quatre month so I had to write something. It's quite dark, darker than I usually write Quatre which is why I was surprised it flowed so easily. And yeah, there's a hint they are all going down this road, which sadly isn't a very good one. Thanks for the comment!

[terravayne.livejournal.com]

Dark. Bordering on Zero!Quatre in his single-minded intensity. It's interesting the way he justifies his actions - that they were already "lost" before they met him. Excellent ficlet.

[misanagi.livejournal.com]

Thank you! This really just wrote itself as if I was taking dictation. I started with the first line and then the next came and the next. As dark as I can make Quatre I think he always has to have som kind of justification for what he does, even if it's only logical to him, like destroying the colonies because outer space had gone mad. Just as that, this needs a reason and that's the reason he found for himself. Thanks for commenting!

[ren-aleria.livejournal.com]

...whoa


That made my skin prickle...

[misanagi.livejournal.com]

^^;; Sorry? I went a bit dark this time. Thanks for reading!

[snakewhissperer.livejournal.com]

That was dark, but I can so see it happening at the same time, I thin its a very good reflection on where Quatre and Duo could end up.

[misanagi.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Cait. It's a darker future but one that could have happened. *hopes it didn't*

[snakewhissperer.livejournal.com]

*hopes so too*

[schizoid-sprite.livejournal.com]

*applause*

Thumbs up, dude! Nice potrayal of Qua-chan. The fic's simply dark, like we're given the chance to peek at Qua-chan's little head and see what he thinks--feels--about what he's doing.

I like the thought of Qua leaving dead men here and there. Shows how dark our world is, huh?

XD

[misanagi.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! It gave me a chance to write something a bit different. I'm very glad that you liked it.

[sharona1x2.livejournal.com]

Very well done, Mis. As much as I love a lighter version of Quatre normally, it's also good to be reminded that he can be darker. I think he's just as capable of having a darker side as any of the others.

[misanagi.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Sharon. Usually I don't write such dark versions but this was a good chance to try it. I'm glad that you liked it *huggles*

[centauri-.livejournal.com]

*speechless*


It's nice to see that in the end, he's not alone in it. :)
Excellent fic! *mems*

[misanagi.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Bringing Duo and the hint of the others in the end seemed natural. I'm glad that you liked it. Thanks you for reading!

[leftminds.livejournal.com]

wonderful, wonderful. it's a believable continuation of his life after the war, and a fantastic characterization of quatre!

[misanagi.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm so happy that you liked this! Thank you for commenting ^_^