Love Hurts

[misanagi]

Love Hurts

Rating: PG
Pairing: Heero/Quatre
Warnings: Angst
Word count: 1347
Prompt: Gundam Wing, Heero/Quatre (name order unimportant): Making amends - “can’t you see, I’m on my knees.” .
A/N: 1) Written for springkink. 2) This turned out a lot more angsty and a lot less lemony than I had anticipated. I hope the requester still likes it anyway.

Thanks to darthanne for the beta.


---

When he came home that evening, he wasn't surprised to see that Quatre was still there, standing by the window, in the same spot he had been this morning when Heero had left the apartment without saying a word. He glanced at Quatre for only a moment before taking off his jacket and heading for the kitchen.

"Heero, talk to me."

The controlled voice Quatre normally used was gone and Heero could hear plainly the longing and desperation in the tone now. He hated it, hated hearing him sounding like that and he had to take a moment to school his features in a look of indifference before leaving the kitchen and heading for his room. Quatre wouldn't enter it without permission. The invasion of Heero's privacy only extended to the living room and Heero had made it perfectly clear that while he was restraining himself now, that only applied as long as Quatre respected at least those boundaries.

Taking his communicator out of his pocket he dialed Duo's code.

"She's fine! You just left forty minutes ago."

Heero ignored the annoyance in Duo's voice. "Status?"

"We are having dinner. Relena's fine." There was a pause. "Have you talked to him yet?" When Heero didn't answer, Duo continued. "He's been there for five days, man, you should at least listen to him."

"I don't need to do that." Heero didn't give Duo time to say anything else and cut the connection. They all kept saying the same thing, even Relena and Wufei, but he wasn't ready to talk to Quatre yet.

After a shower he forced himself to sleep but he woke up only a couple of hours later, knowing full well he wouldn't be able to will himself to sleep again. He headed for the kitchen in search of a glass of water and stopped in the living room. Quatre was sitting on the floor, back against one of the walls, asleep in an awkward position.

Heero looked at the black leather couch Quatre himself had helped him pick out. He had assumed Quatre had been sleeping there these past few nights.

"I've intruded enough," said Quatre. He was awake and standing up. "I'm not sure I have the right to crash on your couch if you are not speaking to me. But I'm not leaving either."

For the first time, in the dim light of the night, Heero allowed himself to look at Quatre, really look. His hair was greasy and the sweater and jeans he wore were wrinkled and disheveled. He looked pale too. "Have you been eating?" he asked, forgetting for a moment that he wasn't speaking to Quatre.

"Rashid dropped by with some supplies."

For a moment Heero was ready to go back to bed, forget the water and forget the feeling of guilt that was creeping up inside him, but instead he remained standing in his living room looking at Quatre and asked, "Why are you doing this?"

Quatre ran a hand through his hair. "Because I'm not about to let you end our friendship. Not after all these years. Because I need to ask your forgiveness and because I need us to be okay again."

"You should be talking to Relena," Heero said coldly. "And Wufei."

"I already did that." Quatre took a couple of steps towards Heero. "They've both forgiven me."

"She's foolish sometimes," Heero spat. "You could have gotten her killed."

A small smile appeared on Quatre's lips. "She has a habit of forgiving those who threaten her life."

Heero shook his head and turned his back on Quatre. A loud sound made him turn around to see that Quatre had fallen to his knees in the middle of the room. "Please, Heero. Please, just hear me out."

This wasn't right. Quatre shouldn't be on his knees; this wasn't the Quatre he knew, but then again, maybe he had never known Quatre at all. "I trusted you, Quatre." Heero was surprised at how accusing those words sounded. But that was the heart of the matter, that was what had hurt Heero the most and what he couldn't manage himself to forgive. It had been years after the war, years in which he had slowly and painfully taught himself to trust in some people, convincing himself now and again that they would never betray that trust. He had made himself vulnerable for them, and Quatre had been the one he'd trusted the most… the one he loved.

"I'm sorry I said those things. I'm sorry I punched you and I'm sorry I manipulated you. I'm sorry I hurt you, Heero, but I'm not sorry I stopped you from jumping down seven stories to stop the gunman." Quatre lowered his head. "I love you, Heero. I just couldn't let you go like that."

Heero glared and closed his hands into fists. "Do. Not. Lie."

Quatre's head rose. "I'm not lying, Heero. Can't you see? I'm on my knees. I should have said those words before but I was afraid." He let out a bitter snort. "But it looks like I don't have much to lose here. Not anymore."

Heero continued to glare but Quatre held his gaze unflinchingly. "The things you said on that rooftop… The little girl, the killing… I never thought you would say those things. Not you."

"You are stronger than me." The words were barely more than a whisper. "I hit you and tried to hold you down but you were getting away and if you did I knew you would jump. What I said, I did to anger you, to make you focus on me if only for a few moments and when I felt your anger rise I knew just what to say, which words would hurt the deepest and I encouraged your anger even more."

"I realized that." Heero hadn't at the moment, not when the shot was fired and he had looked down to see Trowa taking down the shooter while a ring of people enclosed around Relena. It had only been after he had made sure that Relena was fine and Wufei, who had pushed her out of the way, had managed to escape with just a shallow graze, that Heero had realized that in addition to hurtful words Quatre had also used his empathy to manipulate him, something he would have never thought Quatre capable of.

"You never hit me back," Quatre said, eyes intent on the deep bruise on Heero's cheek.

He would have. If everything hadn't happened in a matter of minutes, Heero was sure he would have ended up breaking some of Quatre's bones. "I won't do it now."

"You should."

And then Heero's fist was inches away from Quatre's jaw and Quatre didn't flinch, didn't move away. "I can't," Heero said simply. He looked into Quatre's eyes, eyes that never hid anything, and made a decision. "You can't stay there."

Quatre hung his head. "I understand. I'll leave." He stood up and when he did Heero pulled him into an embrace. Quatre was frozen for a moment and then, slowly and hesitantly, he relaxed into it. "I'm sorry," he said again, and Heero could hear the tears in his voice.

Heero leaned back enough to be able to see into Quatre's eyes. "You weren't lying."

And though he didn't need to say it, Quatre still spoke. "No, I wasn't."

"If it had been anyone else I would have punched them," Heero said. "You hurt me more because I trusted you more."

Quatre parted his lips, another apology already written in his eyes but before the words left his mouth Heero was kissing him. It was a tentative kiss, just his lips over Quatre's, the tip of his tongue trailing the inside of Quatre's lips.

"What does this mean?" Quatre asked. "I thought you said I couldn't stay here."

"Not on the floor, but you can stay with me." Seeing the hints of a smile, Heero kissed Quatre again. He wasn't sure what this meant but he knew he wanted to find out where it would lead.

Comments

[wildchildcait.livejournal.com]

Awww! and now i want to know what happpened!

[clarediva.livejournal.com]

that was a lovely vignette of them - it really showcased Quatre, and his deep misery and love. They were both v vulnerable, but v sympathetic. Thanks for sharing!
^_^

[rigel66.livejournal.com]

I just got back into town and this lovely piece of fiction was waiting for me. This is my favorite pairing and you always do them justice. Lots of angst, but very believable. Thanks for the great read.