![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
misanagiHollow 4/7
Rating: NC17
Pairings: 1x2, (1x2)+4 (friendship), 3x5.
Warnings: Angst, post EW, language, empathy. Heero's POV
Summary: After the war Heero has found his way, but some of the pilots are still trying to find theirs.
Very special thanks to Anne for the beta, and to everyone I ever spammed with snippets of this fic, and encouraged me to write. *hugs you all*
Previous chapters can be found here.
------------------
Chapter Four
------------------
They looked tired.
Both had a small bag on their shoulders and wore a heavy jacket. The colony's temperature is colder this time of the year, especially at night. It tries to simulate Earth's cycles, maybe to make the habitants feel in a less artificial place, but it is just a bother.
Wufei nodded at me the moment I opened the door, Trowa didn't bother, he just asked, "Where is he?"
Quatre had stayed in the living room with Duo. He hadn't made a single move towards the door when the bell rang; actually he had turned his face away from it.
"Come on in." I closed the door behind them and let them follow me to the living room. Quatre was still facing away and Duo was sitting closer to him than he had been when I went to open the door.
"Quatre," Trowa said as he walked to the couch, dropping his bag on the floor on the way. Quatre didn't turn to look at him. Wufei stood beside me in the living room entrance.
Putting a hand on Quatre's shoulder, Trowa called his name again. This time Quatre did turn to face him. There was a small empty smile on his face. I recognized the gesture; Quatre was hiding again. "Hello, Trowa."
Trowa knelt on the floor and put his arms around Quatre. He said nothing and Quatre let himself be hugged for a moment before he pushed Trowa away. "Hi, Wufei," Quatre said turning to give that same empty smile to him.
Wufei nodded once. "Quatre."
There was an awkward moment of silence. It was the first time since Peacemillion that we were all together. The awkwardness seemed out of place. It didn't belong among us. We had shared too much to feel uncomfortable, but yet, there it was, an awkward silence as we refused to meet each other's eyes.
Duo broke it. "What am I, the invisible man?" He stood up and gave Trowa a hug. "Nice to see you, man." He grinned, then walked to Wufei, and hugged him too. "It's been too long."
"Hilde sends greetings," I said. "You'll see her tomorrow."
"Yeah, you'll be crashing with her," added Duo.
Wufei nodded and looked at Quatre, who was still sitting on the couch, his eyes fixed on a distant spot on the wall, ignoring Trowa kneeling before him. "I suppose your couch is taken."
Duo shrugged. "Hil has a spare room." He didn't really answer the question. He wouldn't lie to Trowa and Wufei but he wouldn't share information that Quatre might want to keep private.
"What happened, Quatre? Why did you disappear like that?" I turned to look at Trowa. He was watching Quatre and Quatre's eyes were still fixed on the wall. Trowa's voice sounded sad. He and Quatre were close. I imagine it hurt him that Quatre didn't trust him enough to tell him his problems.
Quatre opened his mouth and closed it, twice. He looked at Trowa and the empty smile wasn't on his face. He tried to speak again but ended up closing his eyes and bowing his head.
"It's late," Duo said. "We'll talk tomorrow." Duo rarely uses a firm tone. He likes to suggest and convince people to do as he says, but there are times when he doesn't bother and takes a direct approach. This was one of them.
Quatre stood up, not making eye contact with anyone. He walked towards Duo and waited, standing next to him.
"I'll get some blankets and pillows." Duo walked upstairs and Quatre followed.
Trowa stood up and walked next to Wufei. We didn't speak.
After a few minutes, Duo returned with the items, alone. He put them on the couch. "Make yourselves at home, but no funny business on the couch." He shook his index finger at Trowa and Wufei, but there was a grin on his face. It was fake. They probably wouldn't notice but Duo couldn't fool me. Duo's words were casual but I could read between the lines. He didn't want Quatre to feel Trowa and Wufei being together. "Feel free to take anything from the kitchen." He yawned, took my hand and started pulling me towards the stairs. "Nighty night."
We only gave one step before Trowa asked. "Where's Quatre?"
The fake grin was gone instantly from Duo's face. "We're taking care of him, Trowa. Get some sleep, man. You look tired." With that he turned around, pulling me behind him.
"Good night," I said and followed Duo upstairs.
I looked back one last time and saw Trowa's confused look and Wufei's accusing one.
* * *
"I'd better tell you." Quatre was sitting in the middle of the bed, his knees pressed to his face and his arms around them.
I heard Duo close the door behind us. "Tell me what?" I asked.
"About Trowa and Wufei."
Duo sat down on the bed, took his shoes off and moved closer to Quatre. "I can tell him for you, Q. You don't have to."
Quatre shook his head. "Yes I have. Heero deserves to hear it from me."
I moved to Quatre's other side and sat on the bed. What Quatre needed to tell me was probably what he and Duo had discussed that day in the bar. I hadn't asked. I knew that Quatre would share when he was ready. I moved my hand to the lamp on the bedside table and dimmed the lights. Quatre smiled in the shadows.
After taking a deep breath, Quatre said, "Trowa and I... We were kind of together for a while, after the war."
"You were together, Q," said Duo softly. "You might not have known it then, but you were."
I had known they were close but I didn't know Quatre and Trowa had anything more than a close friendship. "Define kind of together."
"We kissed." Quatre lowered his eyes. "We touched each other and we spent a lot of time together. We never said, I love you." A pause. "We didn't have sex." Quatre swallowed and licked his lips. "In hindsight, it does look like we were together but, back then, we were friends, close friends."
I nodded even though I didn't really understand. When Duo and I were only friends we hadn't kissed. It wasn't until I knew that I wanted him that we broke that unspoken barrier. That barrier was still up with Quatre, Trowa and Wufei. I consider them close friends but I'm not intimate with them in that way.
Quatre continued. "After he went away, he came to visit me. He was confused about many things and I helped him sort them out." He swallowed again. "We slept together."
I understood then who had broken Quatre's heart.
"It was then I realized I loved him." Quatre smiled sadly. "He would have stayed if I'd asked, but I could see into his heart, and he had doubts."
"Wufei," I whispered.
Quatre nodded. "We were naïve. Before that night, Trowa and I hadn't felt lust for each other." The words were spoken almost in a rush, and I could tell Quatre was uncomfortable discussing the subject. "We were too close to see each other in that light, but Wufei… Trowa lusted after Wufei and he also cared for him." Quatre put one of his hands on his chest. "After we had sex, Trowa was confused. I could feel that he desired me but his feelings for Wufei were still there." He sighed. "I couldn't be with Trowa if he wasn't sure of his feelings. So I told him to go to Wufei."
I glared. "You what?"
"I already told him how stupid he was," Duo said. "You got to stop the self-sacrificing bullshit, Q."
"It wasn't like that," Quatre replied.
I kept glaring, trying to understand Quatre's reasoning.
It took a moment for Quatre to speak again. "I didn't want his pity. I couldn't be with him when I could sense him wondering what would have been if he had gone to Wufei. It wasn't a selfless act, Duo." Quatre lowered his eyes. "I wished he would come back to me, but he didn't. I got my answer."
I put a hand on Quatre's shoulder. "What did you feel from him tonight? Is he still confused?"
Quatre frowned. "He is, but this feels different. I don't know why. I can't risk looking too closely. I'm not sure what will happen."
"They'll ask questions tomorrow," I said and looked at Duo. "It's up to you what you want to share with them."
"Yeah. What you said stays between us until you say differently."
Quatre nodded. He didn't speak another word that night.
* * *
I woke up before Duo and Quatre. After putting on the pants I had worn the day before, I made my way downstairs, ready to fix us some breakfast. Wufei and Trowa were already awake. The blankets were neatly folded on the couch with the pillows above them. I could hear the downstairs shower running.
Trowa was in the kitchen. He was wearing boxers and a t-shirt. His hair was messy, sticking up in different directions. There was a cup of coffee on his hand and he was making scrambled eggs with the other. I walked into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee for me. "Morning," I mumbled.
There was no reply. I took a couple of sips and let the silence stretch between us. "Need help?" I asked after a while.
"I got it."
I nodded, even though Trowa's back was turned to me, then I sat at the table, facing him. "Should I wake the others?" I asked after I finished my cup of coffee.
Trowa dropped the spoon on the counter and turned to me. "How long have you been sleeping with him?" His eyes were cold and the tone was accusatory. Trowa was angry, angrier than I had seen him in a long while.
I knew very well what he was implying. "Since we found him," I replied.
Trowa took a step towards me. His hands were pressed in tight fists. "He was vulnerable and you took advantage of him. Isn't Duo enough?"
"I am," Duo said, entering the kitchen. He stood behind me and put his arms around my waist. "Calm down, Trowa. We need to talk. All of us."
After giving us a glare, Trowa turned back to the stove. A few minutes later Wufei walked in. He was dressed in soft cotton pants and a sweater; his hair was loose. He nodded to Duo and me and then walked towards Trowa. He put a hand on Trowa's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. He kept the hand there and stayed close to Trowa, his back turned to us.
I heard Quatre's steps stop just by the threshold. Duo and I turned around and smiled at him.
"Morning, Q."
"Hey." He gave us a fake smile and sat beside me. Duo gave me a kiss on the neck before he took the seat on Quatre's other side.
Breakfast was quiet and uncomfortable. Trowa and Wufei kept glaring at Duo and me and avoiding Quatre's eyes. Quatre simply smiled that empty smile. Duo and I picked up the dishes, and when the table was cleaned, Duo looked at Quatre and said, "Time to talk."
* * *
We gathered in the living room. There was more space there and we could sit comfortably around the coffee table and see each other. Duo had taken the day off; there were no transports so Quatre had no reason to go to the salvage yard either.
Duo and I sat on the couch, we didn't lean on each other like we usually did but we sat closely; him with a hand on my knee, me with a hand on top of his. Quatre sat on the other end of the couch, leaning on the arm and leaving a big empty space between him and us. Wufei and Trowa sat on the floor, on the other side of the coffee table, facing us. They didn't touch but, like Duo and me, but they sat closely together.
We just looked at each other for a moment, shifting out eyes from one person to the next, no one wanting to be the first to speak. Finally, after a while, Trowa did. "What happened, Quatre?" A simple question with many levels of answers. I looked at Quatre and waited to see how deep he would go.
Quatre swallowed and shifted position. "I'm dangerous," he whispered. "I needed to get away so I wouldn't hurt people."
Wufei's eyes narrowed while a worried expression crossed Trowa's face. "Explain," said Wufei.
Quatre took a deep breath and then looked at Duo and me. I could see the conflict in his gaze. It was time for him to make a decision, and Duo and I would stand by it, whatever it was. "I promised Duo and Heero I wouldn't leave, but there's still the chance that I might hurt them."
"Stop that, Q." Duo gave Quatre a hard look. "We already told you we'll take the risk."
His statement was met with a nod from Quatre followed by a sigh. "You deserve to know." Quatre clearly wasn't happy with the decision he had taken. "My empathy…" he hesitated. "I can't control it." His eyes hardened and he fixed them on Trowa. "I put my sister in a coma. I'm dangerous and it's better for all of you if I stay away."
I was about to assure Quatre, once again, that we would happily take any risk if it meant helping him, but Trowa spoke first. "You should have come to… us." The small hesitation was enough to let me know that he wanted to say something else, perhaps 'me'. "You should have known we would help you." Beside him, Wufei looked doubtful and I remembered that, as far as I knew, he didn't believe in Quatre's empathy.
Quatre didn't quiver under Trowa's glare. Instead he raised his chin higher and replied, "I never doubted that." I could see he wanted to say more but he didn't. Again, silence filled the room.
"We're trying to help him, but we still don't know what the problem is," Duo informed. He was never good at handling silence; it was natural for him to want to fill the emptiness with his voice.
"Is screwing him part of your therapy?"
The words were delivered with deadly calmness. Trowa was glaring at Duo when he said them, clearly stating that he wasn't happy with what he'd assumed. Wufei was glaring at me. He put a hand on Trowa's knee but said nothing. It was just a gesture to let Trowa know that he was there.
I glared back at both of them while I felt Duo tense. The accusation had been harsh and I was sure it had hurt Duo the way it had hurt me. We cared about Quatre and I thought that our friends knew us better than to think we would take advantage of him while he was in a vulnerable state.
"We are not fucking each other."
I looked at Quatre, amazed at hearing him use such crude language. I had never heard him swear before. He had risen from the couch and was standing straight, looking down at Trowa. There was anger behind his gaze but seconds after he spoke the anger slipped from his face and the sad empty look returned. "I'm going for a walk," he said more calmly, and then turned to Duo and me. "Please don't follow. I'll be back." With that he walked out of the living room, and as he disappeared behind a corner I thought I saw a faint glow surrounding him.
* * *
After Quatre left, things became more awkward, if that were possible. We sat in silence before Duo excused himself and decided to go to work anyway. I couldn't blame him; I understood his anger and need to go somewhere to cool off. Feeling no need to be polite, I simply stood up and headed for the spare room to catch up with some work.
For at least three hours I kept myself busy with work. It was one of the satisfying things about my chosen profession. Creating new security projects was challenging and I never used the same program twice. Each company's security was different than the last, and I prided myself in not keeping any patterns in my many projects. I could dive into work and keep all other thoughts away for as long as I wanted to… unless I was interrupted.
I couldn't say I was surprised to see Trowa at the door. "He's not back yet," he said when I turned to face him.
"I'm sure he's fine. He'll come back when he's ready." I faced the computer screen again and continued typing, too aware of Trowa, still waiting at the threshold.
"I shouldn't have assumed." A pause. "I'm sorry."
This time I closed the lid of my laptop and turned to face him again. I gestured to the empty chair beside the boxes filled with computer spare parts, and waited for him to sit down. Trowa wouldn't appreciate small talk and that's a skill I never bothered to learn. "Do you have feelings for him?"
His head snapped up and he looked at me. I had managed to startle him. "I'm with Wufei."
"That's not what I asked." I kept my eyes trained on him, challenging him to lie to me or to try to avoid the subject again. If he did, then I would know.
His eyes shifted and then were fixed on me again. "I don't know."
I'm not an expert in love. It took me long enough to understand what I felt for both Duo and Relena and then to comprehend the different types of love. If Trowa was facing something similar then I knew that no matter what anyone wanted he would come to his own answers in his own time. "What about Wufei?"
"I love him."
Good. I wouldn't have to kick his ass for playing with Wufei, but there was still the question of Quatre. "You are going to hurt one of them," I said, realizing in that same moment how grave the situation was. "No matter what you do, one of them is going to get hurt, if it's not both."
Trowa lowered his eyes. He stared at his hands, quietly, for a few long minutes, and then he got up, and as he left the room he whispered, "I know."
TBC
(More tomorrow ^_^)
Rating: NC17
Pairings: 1x2, (1x2)+4 (friendship), 3x5.
Warnings: Angst, post EW, language, empathy. Heero's POV
Summary: After the war Heero has found his way, but some of the pilots are still trying to find theirs.
Very special thanks to Anne for the beta, and to everyone I ever spammed with snippets of this fic, and encouraged me to write. *hugs you all*
Previous chapters can be found here.
------------------
Chapter Four
------------------
They looked tired.
Both had a small bag on their shoulders and wore a heavy jacket. The colony's temperature is colder this time of the year, especially at night. It tries to simulate Earth's cycles, maybe to make the habitants feel in a less artificial place, but it is just a bother.
Wufei nodded at me the moment I opened the door, Trowa didn't bother, he just asked, "Where is he?"
Quatre had stayed in the living room with Duo. He hadn't made a single move towards the door when the bell rang; actually he had turned his face away from it.
"Come on in." I closed the door behind them and let them follow me to the living room. Quatre was still facing away and Duo was sitting closer to him than he had been when I went to open the door.
"Quatre," Trowa said as he walked to the couch, dropping his bag on the floor on the way. Quatre didn't turn to look at him. Wufei stood beside me in the living room entrance.
Putting a hand on Quatre's shoulder, Trowa called his name again. This time Quatre did turn to face him. There was a small empty smile on his face. I recognized the gesture; Quatre was hiding again. "Hello, Trowa."
Trowa knelt on the floor and put his arms around Quatre. He said nothing and Quatre let himself be hugged for a moment before he pushed Trowa away. "Hi, Wufei," Quatre said turning to give that same empty smile to him.
Wufei nodded once. "Quatre."
There was an awkward moment of silence. It was the first time since Peacemillion that we were all together. The awkwardness seemed out of place. It didn't belong among us. We had shared too much to feel uncomfortable, but yet, there it was, an awkward silence as we refused to meet each other's eyes.
Duo broke it. "What am I, the invisible man?" He stood up and gave Trowa a hug. "Nice to see you, man." He grinned, then walked to Wufei, and hugged him too. "It's been too long."
"Hilde sends greetings," I said. "You'll see her tomorrow."
"Yeah, you'll be crashing with her," added Duo.
Wufei nodded and looked at Quatre, who was still sitting on the couch, his eyes fixed on a distant spot on the wall, ignoring Trowa kneeling before him. "I suppose your couch is taken."
Duo shrugged. "Hil has a spare room." He didn't really answer the question. He wouldn't lie to Trowa and Wufei but he wouldn't share information that Quatre might want to keep private.
"What happened, Quatre? Why did you disappear like that?" I turned to look at Trowa. He was watching Quatre and Quatre's eyes were still fixed on the wall. Trowa's voice sounded sad. He and Quatre were close. I imagine it hurt him that Quatre didn't trust him enough to tell him his problems.
Quatre opened his mouth and closed it, twice. He looked at Trowa and the empty smile wasn't on his face. He tried to speak again but ended up closing his eyes and bowing his head.
"It's late," Duo said. "We'll talk tomorrow." Duo rarely uses a firm tone. He likes to suggest and convince people to do as he says, but there are times when he doesn't bother and takes a direct approach. This was one of them.
Quatre stood up, not making eye contact with anyone. He walked towards Duo and waited, standing next to him.
"I'll get some blankets and pillows." Duo walked upstairs and Quatre followed.
Trowa stood up and walked next to Wufei. We didn't speak.
After a few minutes, Duo returned with the items, alone. He put them on the couch. "Make yourselves at home, but no funny business on the couch." He shook his index finger at Trowa and Wufei, but there was a grin on his face. It was fake. They probably wouldn't notice but Duo couldn't fool me. Duo's words were casual but I could read between the lines. He didn't want Quatre to feel Trowa and Wufei being together. "Feel free to take anything from the kitchen." He yawned, took my hand and started pulling me towards the stairs. "Nighty night."
We only gave one step before Trowa asked. "Where's Quatre?"
The fake grin was gone instantly from Duo's face. "We're taking care of him, Trowa. Get some sleep, man. You look tired." With that he turned around, pulling me behind him.
"Good night," I said and followed Duo upstairs.
I looked back one last time and saw Trowa's confused look and Wufei's accusing one.
* * *
"I'd better tell you." Quatre was sitting in the middle of the bed, his knees pressed to his face and his arms around them.
I heard Duo close the door behind us. "Tell me what?" I asked.
"About Trowa and Wufei."
Duo sat down on the bed, took his shoes off and moved closer to Quatre. "I can tell him for you, Q. You don't have to."
Quatre shook his head. "Yes I have. Heero deserves to hear it from me."
I moved to Quatre's other side and sat on the bed. What Quatre needed to tell me was probably what he and Duo had discussed that day in the bar. I hadn't asked. I knew that Quatre would share when he was ready. I moved my hand to the lamp on the bedside table and dimmed the lights. Quatre smiled in the shadows.
After taking a deep breath, Quatre said, "Trowa and I... We were kind of together for a while, after the war."
"You were together, Q," said Duo softly. "You might not have known it then, but you were."
I had known they were close but I didn't know Quatre and Trowa had anything more than a close friendship. "Define kind of together."
"We kissed." Quatre lowered his eyes. "We touched each other and we spent a lot of time together. We never said, I love you." A pause. "We didn't have sex." Quatre swallowed and licked his lips. "In hindsight, it does look like we were together but, back then, we were friends, close friends."
I nodded even though I didn't really understand. When Duo and I were only friends we hadn't kissed. It wasn't until I knew that I wanted him that we broke that unspoken barrier. That barrier was still up with Quatre, Trowa and Wufei. I consider them close friends but I'm not intimate with them in that way.
Quatre continued. "After he went away, he came to visit me. He was confused about many things and I helped him sort them out." He swallowed again. "We slept together."
I understood then who had broken Quatre's heart.
"It was then I realized I loved him." Quatre smiled sadly. "He would have stayed if I'd asked, but I could see into his heart, and he had doubts."
"Wufei," I whispered.
Quatre nodded. "We were naïve. Before that night, Trowa and I hadn't felt lust for each other." The words were spoken almost in a rush, and I could tell Quatre was uncomfortable discussing the subject. "We were too close to see each other in that light, but Wufei… Trowa lusted after Wufei and he also cared for him." Quatre put one of his hands on his chest. "After we had sex, Trowa was confused. I could feel that he desired me but his feelings for Wufei were still there." He sighed. "I couldn't be with Trowa if he wasn't sure of his feelings. So I told him to go to Wufei."
I glared. "You what?"
"I already told him how stupid he was," Duo said. "You got to stop the self-sacrificing bullshit, Q."
"It wasn't like that," Quatre replied.
I kept glaring, trying to understand Quatre's reasoning.
It took a moment for Quatre to speak again. "I didn't want his pity. I couldn't be with him when I could sense him wondering what would have been if he had gone to Wufei. It wasn't a selfless act, Duo." Quatre lowered his eyes. "I wished he would come back to me, but he didn't. I got my answer."
I put a hand on Quatre's shoulder. "What did you feel from him tonight? Is he still confused?"
Quatre frowned. "He is, but this feels different. I don't know why. I can't risk looking too closely. I'm not sure what will happen."
"They'll ask questions tomorrow," I said and looked at Duo. "It's up to you what you want to share with them."
"Yeah. What you said stays between us until you say differently."
Quatre nodded. He didn't speak another word that night.
* * *
I woke up before Duo and Quatre. After putting on the pants I had worn the day before, I made my way downstairs, ready to fix us some breakfast. Wufei and Trowa were already awake. The blankets were neatly folded on the couch with the pillows above them. I could hear the downstairs shower running.
Trowa was in the kitchen. He was wearing boxers and a t-shirt. His hair was messy, sticking up in different directions. There was a cup of coffee on his hand and he was making scrambled eggs with the other. I walked into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee for me. "Morning," I mumbled.
There was no reply. I took a couple of sips and let the silence stretch between us. "Need help?" I asked after a while.
"I got it."
I nodded, even though Trowa's back was turned to me, then I sat at the table, facing him. "Should I wake the others?" I asked after I finished my cup of coffee.
Trowa dropped the spoon on the counter and turned to me. "How long have you been sleeping with him?" His eyes were cold and the tone was accusatory. Trowa was angry, angrier than I had seen him in a long while.
I knew very well what he was implying. "Since we found him," I replied.
Trowa took a step towards me. His hands were pressed in tight fists. "He was vulnerable and you took advantage of him. Isn't Duo enough?"
"I am," Duo said, entering the kitchen. He stood behind me and put his arms around my waist. "Calm down, Trowa. We need to talk. All of us."
After giving us a glare, Trowa turned back to the stove. A few minutes later Wufei walked in. He was dressed in soft cotton pants and a sweater; his hair was loose. He nodded to Duo and me and then walked towards Trowa. He put a hand on Trowa's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. He kept the hand there and stayed close to Trowa, his back turned to us.
I heard Quatre's steps stop just by the threshold. Duo and I turned around and smiled at him.
"Morning, Q."
"Hey." He gave us a fake smile and sat beside me. Duo gave me a kiss on the neck before he took the seat on Quatre's other side.
Breakfast was quiet and uncomfortable. Trowa and Wufei kept glaring at Duo and me and avoiding Quatre's eyes. Quatre simply smiled that empty smile. Duo and I picked up the dishes, and when the table was cleaned, Duo looked at Quatre and said, "Time to talk."
* * *
We gathered in the living room. There was more space there and we could sit comfortably around the coffee table and see each other. Duo had taken the day off; there were no transports so Quatre had no reason to go to the salvage yard either.
Duo and I sat on the couch, we didn't lean on each other like we usually did but we sat closely; him with a hand on my knee, me with a hand on top of his. Quatre sat on the other end of the couch, leaning on the arm and leaving a big empty space between him and us. Wufei and Trowa sat on the floor, on the other side of the coffee table, facing us. They didn't touch but, like Duo and me, but they sat closely together.
We just looked at each other for a moment, shifting out eyes from one person to the next, no one wanting to be the first to speak. Finally, after a while, Trowa did. "What happened, Quatre?" A simple question with many levels of answers. I looked at Quatre and waited to see how deep he would go.
Quatre swallowed and shifted position. "I'm dangerous," he whispered. "I needed to get away so I wouldn't hurt people."
Wufei's eyes narrowed while a worried expression crossed Trowa's face. "Explain," said Wufei.
Quatre took a deep breath and then looked at Duo and me. I could see the conflict in his gaze. It was time for him to make a decision, and Duo and I would stand by it, whatever it was. "I promised Duo and Heero I wouldn't leave, but there's still the chance that I might hurt them."
"Stop that, Q." Duo gave Quatre a hard look. "We already told you we'll take the risk."
His statement was met with a nod from Quatre followed by a sigh. "You deserve to know." Quatre clearly wasn't happy with the decision he had taken. "My empathy…" he hesitated. "I can't control it." His eyes hardened and he fixed them on Trowa. "I put my sister in a coma. I'm dangerous and it's better for all of you if I stay away."
I was about to assure Quatre, once again, that we would happily take any risk if it meant helping him, but Trowa spoke first. "You should have come to… us." The small hesitation was enough to let me know that he wanted to say something else, perhaps 'me'. "You should have known we would help you." Beside him, Wufei looked doubtful and I remembered that, as far as I knew, he didn't believe in Quatre's empathy.
Quatre didn't quiver under Trowa's glare. Instead he raised his chin higher and replied, "I never doubted that." I could see he wanted to say more but he didn't. Again, silence filled the room.
"We're trying to help him, but we still don't know what the problem is," Duo informed. He was never good at handling silence; it was natural for him to want to fill the emptiness with his voice.
"Is screwing him part of your therapy?"
The words were delivered with deadly calmness. Trowa was glaring at Duo when he said them, clearly stating that he wasn't happy with what he'd assumed. Wufei was glaring at me. He put a hand on Trowa's knee but said nothing. It was just a gesture to let Trowa know that he was there.
I glared back at both of them while I felt Duo tense. The accusation had been harsh and I was sure it had hurt Duo the way it had hurt me. We cared about Quatre and I thought that our friends knew us better than to think we would take advantage of him while he was in a vulnerable state.
"We are not fucking each other."
I looked at Quatre, amazed at hearing him use such crude language. I had never heard him swear before. He had risen from the couch and was standing straight, looking down at Trowa. There was anger behind his gaze but seconds after he spoke the anger slipped from his face and the sad empty look returned. "I'm going for a walk," he said more calmly, and then turned to Duo and me. "Please don't follow. I'll be back." With that he walked out of the living room, and as he disappeared behind a corner I thought I saw a faint glow surrounding him.
* * *
After Quatre left, things became more awkward, if that were possible. We sat in silence before Duo excused himself and decided to go to work anyway. I couldn't blame him; I understood his anger and need to go somewhere to cool off. Feeling no need to be polite, I simply stood up and headed for the spare room to catch up with some work.
For at least three hours I kept myself busy with work. It was one of the satisfying things about my chosen profession. Creating new security projects was challenging and I never used the same program twice. Each company's security was different than the last, and I prided myself in not keeping any patterns in my many projects. I could dive into work and keep all other thoughts away for as long as I wanted to… unless I was interrupted.
I couldn't say I was surprised to see Trowa at the door. "He's not back yet," he said when I turned to face him.
"I'm sure he's fine. He'll come back when he's ready." I faced the computer screen again and continued typing, too aware of Trowa, still waiting at the threshold.
"I shouldn't have assumed." A pause. "I'm sorry."
This time I closed the lid of my laptop and turned to face him again. I gestured to the empty chair beside the boxes filled with computer spare parts, and waited for him to sit down. Trowa wouldn't appreciate small talk and that's a skill I never bothered to learn. "Do you have feelings for him?"
His head snapped up and he looked at me. I had managed to startle him. "I'm with Wufei."
"That's not what I asked." I kept my eyes trained on him, challenging him to lie to me or to try to avoid the subject again. If he did, then I would know.
His eyes shifted and then were fixed on me again. "I don't know."
I'm not an expert in love. It took me long enough to understand what I felt for both Duo and Relena and then to comprehend the different types of love. If Trowa was facing something similar then I knew that no matter what anyone wanted he would come to his own answers in his own time. "What about Wufei?"
"I love him."
Good. I wouldn't have to kick his ass for playing with Wufei, but there was still the question of Quatre. "You are going to hurt one of them," I said, realizing in that same moment how grave the situation was. "No matter what you do, one of them is going to get hurt, if it's not both."
Trowa lowered his eyes. He stared at his hands, quietly, for a few long minutes, and then he got up, and as he left the room he whispered, "I know."
TBC
(More tomorrow ^_^)
